Funny old day

Today has been one of those funny old days, where things just happen.

My time at work past very quickly, nothing eventful yet not boring or uninteresting.  Does that even make sense?  It was kinda like it was just how it was meant to be.

Anyway my mind was mainly focused on our flat.  Our flat has been on the market for some time now & there's no denying this does get me down a little.  It feels like we are in limbo selling the flat.  We can't plan, we can't look forward to much, just feels a bit stuck.  We are stuck in a crap market, stuck living too far away from my work, stuck with high diesel costs, stuck with no garden for the dog, you get the picture, just stuck. 

We had a viewing last night, & we always go to soo much trouble to get the place looking spick & span, no dog hairs/smell, everything looking immaculate, everything presented nice.  The feedback we've had is that it's a nice flat just people can't afford it just now.  So it's frustrating that it hasn't sold, as no one is saying there is anything we could do to help us take the next step.  The viewing went well, & the girl seemed very impressed & she was an accountant so surely she will have done the sums about what she can afford.  So all day my mind drifted off, imagining hubby calling me to tell me we had sold the flat & needed to get on the hunt for a new house!!  Needless to say I didn't get the call with that news, there was no news, which is still fine.  I have my fingers, toes, legs & eyes crossed that all will turn out well with this one.  So I had to include a picture of the sale sign which has been blocking my view from our living room every day for nearly a year now!

Anyone in the market for a 2 bed flat?

As I said today has been a funny one.  The weather was lovely here this morning, but as I travelled the hour journey to my work it got darker & gloomy.  So our choice of Stovies (a scottish left over dish, like a stodgy soup, tastes soo much nicer than the way I have just described) seemed fine.  However as I drove home it got brighter & sunnier & the pot of homely comforting warm soup just didn't seem to fit with the glorious evening.  But with a pot like this, nothing else for it, but tuck in!

A great soup pot!

So although tasty just not as satisfying as it is normally on a cool Scottish evening.  Doesn't mean it didn't get eaten though!

My last picture of the day, is the obligatory picture of my boy.  With the doors open & him watching the world go by, it really has been a funny old day.  

He needs a garden, right?

As I write this I notice how my time has run away with me tonight & technically these pictures are from yesterday.  It's after midnight & on a school night that's not normally a good sign, as it usually means my mind has kept me awake & my sleep hygiene practice has fallen by the way side, but tonight I'm not in too much trouble as I have a day of for my psychiatry appointment.  Last few appointments were cancelled due to staff shortages, not even sure she will recognise me! We'll just need to see what the appointment brings & what my post turns out like tomorrow.

I finish with praise for the August Break 2012.  I stumbled upon Susannah's website & loved the stuff about writing from the heart & just getting started.  As a recovering perfectionist I have put off many things as I could not do them perfectly or right.  And even when I started this blog I felt myself panicking about saying the right thing or being able to make it look right or adding lots of technical stuff so when I read about the August Break I thought this would be a great place to start.  So although aimed at being a break from regular posts & expressing August through a picture I have found the project to be much more & so very inspiring.  I even had my first comments yesterday, wow was that exciting! Thanks again to those ladies, you really did make my night.

I know my blog is not perfect but that's ok.  I am ok with that.  I'm getting deep so must be time for bed.  Night.

August Break 2012, my inspiration.

Love Mrs Brown xx

In the shadows

Today was a hard day, meeting with keyworker brought up a few issues so my mind was heavy today. I literally could feel the weight of my shadow.

Unflattering but sums up my day

Although the sun is shining, I felt all black, just like a shadow.  All blurry & an empty version of myself.  So this picture just captures today for me. 

To lift myself up (& to get me & the dog out the house! We had a last minute flat viewing, fingers crossed for that)  I took to the park.  It was raining at home but only 2minutes away in the park it was dry & bright, great for someone with a dark mood.

So with iphone in hand I clicked away, the park opened up loads of great picture opportunities.

Here are a few of my favourites

Bugs in the flowers

Sun in the sky

Supporting arm

Directed out of my dark mood

The walking & the sun was enough to show me the way out of my dark mood, to show me the way through today.

Finding my way through the woods

My boy never fails to pose for a pic

I hope today's picks weren't as depressing as my mood & shows how I can alter my mood.  Just hope someone enjoys my pictures.

Love Mrs Brown xx

Sunday Dinner

I have had a lovely day, but I appear to have forgotten to take any real photos to capture the spirit of today.  However I think I may have stumbled upon a deeper meaning for me & the August Break 2012.  I know there is no rules to this project, just a photo to capture August but for me starting out on a journey back to work & blogging I feel it is a great way of opening myself up.  So bear with me on this post.

August Break 2012

I have been playing around with my hair colour for a while now & with pennies being tight wanted to be able to do some home colouring rather than always in the salon.  So now I have an all over colour & today I decided it needed a spruce up so Black Cherry it is!

I haven't done a home colour for a while & forgot about the clock watching that goes on.  20minutes felt very long as I sat in the middle of the room wrapped in old towels terrified to get a drip of purple dye on our cream carpet or white bathroom!

I do love the strange smell of chemicals that comes with home colouring, think it takes me back to my youth, where I loved experimenting with colour.  I think I have been most colours at one time or another, I even had blonde for a while, boy was that high maintenance & a bugger to grow out!

Think it turned out ok & it's always shiny & soft after a semi permanent so thats a bonus, some parts are dark but thats old dark tint but I do like the lively red.

Black cherry?

So I did my hair before meeting my friend for Sunday Dinner.  I haven't seen Rach since the wedding, over a year now & she was my bridesmaid.  She stays a few hours away so it can be hard to keep in touch but usually we never go this long.

When my mood is low, I tend to shut everyone out.  The longer it gets between speaking the more I put it off.  But Rach has stuck with me & for that I am truly grateful.  So when she was up north for a wedding & passing by on her way home I jumped at the chance to catch up in person.

This dinner has been booked for a while, & even though she's my good friend I still felt myself getting nervous as the day went on.  Silly how catching up with a friend over dinner can make you stressed.

That's how I roll these days, I get nervous about what I will say, what people may think & a million other things will race through my mind too but it's never as bad as I imagine, & tonight was no different.

We were running a little late (my procrastinating probably to blame!) but after the initial sorry & stressing about being late, it was just two couples, good friends who haven't seen each in other in ages having a good catch up.  The conversation flowed, topic to topic we got caught up on what we have both been through in the last few months.  The good, and not so good, but we concentrated on the good & what we are grateful for.

So although I leave with a bit of a headache & tired from over thinking everything, my mood is good.  I just need to vow now to try not leave it too long between catch ups.

Life gets busy & I feel like I don't want to bother other people but I'm not bothering my friends.  They are my friends & if they are busy, we can always find another time.  I am grateful for my friends & family & at our wedding I could see the many special people we have in our lives.

This is what Sunday Dinner was meant to be like.  Getting people together, sharing comfort in the food & the company.  To catch up on yourself.  To glance back & reflect but with a focus on the time ahead.

As we drove home, I realised I didn't capture any photos of what really mattered today!  I didn't get a pic of the full table, I didn't get a our hugs as we said hello or good bye (I don't do hugs often, so a pic of that would have been one for the scrap book)  I didn't get my friend I haven't seen for ages or anything.

So in closing this post I think about tomorrow & the photo a day in August.  I think I should try capture the essence of the day.  The photo doesn't need to be posed correctly or shot in the right light but if I am going to take a picture, to take it for the right reasons.  To take it to remember my journey through that day.  To document my day in August 2012.

The sky is light tonight & I wanted to try capture this, but my iphone just flashed & I ended up with the inside of the car & a hint of the fog outside, but I have included the picture as this was my night. A bright clear Sunday night, good dinner & good company.

The inside of the car, on a bright Sunday evening

Love Mrs Brown xx

Saturday Shoot

Saturday brought with it a new cleaning schedule.  My hubby & I agreed we would start sharing cleaning tasks & always do them on a Saturday so this week appears to be a week of new things.

So as I spent my time cleaning I didn't actually leave the house but hubby managed to.  So he was out with the boy & tagged me in the photo so I figured it had to be included.

Apparently it was a nice day outside but as I say I managed to remain in my pjs.  Bailey had fun though, treasure hunting for a ball.  You can see the smile on his wee face.

So hoovering was my task. I do enjoy getting the carpet clean with a cream carpet & a black dog, it's very obvious when it's been done.  Good for the soul, if not the soles of our feet.

Space age, hoover

As I said I am still playing with Instagram, so excuse the random space age filtered shot.  Anything to make the hoovering seem more exciting!

Then we have another exciting photo, my scarves drying.  I have a vast selection of scarves, I wear one most days, so today with the sun in the sky I decided to give them all a freshen up.

So with all this excitement, what else could I take a pic of ......

My rocking chair! Old before my time, that's me.  I have fond memories of rocking in a chair just like this when I was young.  So when my dad found me this one, I was so happy.  I got it around the time I started trying to meditate, so it was perfect for my meditation corner.  I must admit since I've went back to work I have found very little time to just sit in my chair.  So tonight after this exciting post (Sorry I am a bit sarcastic tonight) I plan to go to my corner & enjoy rocking away the first Saturday of August.

Love Mrs Brown xx

A Walk in the Park

Day 3 August Break 2012

So my Friday was filled with headaches.  I had CBT group, this week was Anger in our Assertiveness Training.  I need to be more assertive so I can express my feelings & feel listened to & not internalise things as guilt.  I always deny that I get angry but the session was good to get me thinking about the feeling 'anger' and being assertive.  As usual my head started going round & round.  I find this a lot, I get stuck on the details & over think things especially with negative thought patterns.  Hubby is amazing, he is getting very good at picking up on my moods, so even being a little late & just a little quiet he knew something was running through my mind.  He helped me pull things back & we had a great loving & frank conversation.

My notes from group today

Then when I felt myself flagging, my boy just knew exactly what I needed.

"Mum, let's go for a walk, yeah?"

We walk at the local country park.  The car park can seem busy but you can go a different walk every day & don't need to meet people if you don't want to.  So it's great for me, especially when my mood is low I need to get out & walk but don't want to mingle with people.  Don't want to explain myself.

A walk in the park - My Boys

I am still quite new to Instagram so I apologise I am still playing with it & enjoying the novelty of the filters so much of August I fear will be through Instagram & an antique filter!

So with a cleared head, what do I do, well I try to sort out insurance for my new car & trying to sort out what I am doing with my old one.  So "telephone calls" were required.

The telephone is not my favourite medium, in fact I have been found going to great lengths to avoid calls.  But these tasks required me to make the calls & as I had put it off the rest of the week, it had to be done today.  So after several calls (just my luck it couldn't all be done in one call) I think I am sorted now, till my renewal next month anyway! Oh & hubby can sort the old car stuff so fingers crossed all no more calls on my to-do list.

Warning! Bad arty shot attempted!

So now with the shopping done & all that crossed of my list I sit on the sofa & finally get to relax & the end of the week.  All be it a short week for most people, my head is still learning to cope with everything so I do feel a bit drained, but it's the weekend & no major plans so time to recover.

The only problem now is that the loving & frank conversation with my hubby involved agreeing a cleaning schedule.  He cleans much more than me so we agreed to share the tasks & make a Saturday our cleaning day. Whoops, tomorrow is Saturday! Do you think he will forget the conversation?  Do you think I can try say we said to start next weekend? I could say it assertively???

Love Mrs Brown xx

The Second

So my working week is over, stumbled upon this great site Wordle.net & did myself a Wordle of my blog for my first picture of Day 2

A sneaky pic of me, must be getting brave & it's only day 2!

& couldn't resist another car pic, as it's still all new & I do spend alot of time in it.  140 miles today

And this is my morning & night tablets, which I need to keep in front of me so I remember to take them.

Do I really need them? When will I be off them? What do they actually do? Am I too reliant?

I do question myself a lot.

But when it comes down to the crunch the thing that runs through my mind most even if it creeps in is "If I am on anti-depressants, I must be depressed"

Another work day done, my pictures may differ tomorrow, my off day!

Love Mrs Brown xx

Day 1

So here goes Day 1 August through my photos

Screen Shot of Louise Hay I Can Do It calendar

The inside of my new car Bluey, where I spend a big proportion of my work days.  Still looking shiny & clean so far.  The wee lamb is Larry (original, I know!)

My flowers from Ford! How nice to get flowers when you buy a car, never happened with my last car! Just a nice touch, & really nice to come home to flowers on the table.  Brightened up my evening.

So that's me, first post in! Will try be a bit adventurous tomorrow with the pics.  If you want to join in go to August Break & sign up.

Love Mrs Brown xx