I did it!

I did it!

I was walked across broken glass then just for fun did a fire walk!

There was a bit more prep to it than that, but yes on a Friday night in November I took my socks & shoes off and walked across broken glass & then hot coals.  

The Glass Walk

The glass walk was all about being relaxed and overcoming your fears. Razor sharp broken glass might I add, that makes relaxing a bit more difficult.

Did I enjoy it?

Yes I think I did! For me being relaxed is something I am trying to work on so perfect chance to use some skills! I did struggle a bit but acceptable I think under the circumstances.

Try to picture a line of broken glass, the sounds of crunching glass beneath the instructors feet, a crowd of people ooohing & ahhhing, & then me realising I have my jumper on the wrong way & you get an idea of the feelings that were bubbling inside me as I took my place.

But I did it! I even have a cut to prove it.

For someone who at this time last year could hardly leave her bedroom you would think a walk bare foot across broken glass in front of a crowd would be enough excitement for one Friday night but nope I then was set to walk over hot coals.

The Fire Walk

Now this is where the fun really started. The instructor guy was amazing.  He took me from being an introverted, hide at the back, don't say a word, keep your head down kind of girl to 

Standing tall, chest out - he told us too ;-), feeling amazing, pumped, ready to go, look me in the eye, on a mission kinda girl!

I can't emphasise the change in me.  I literally went from looking at the floor to scrape me off the ceiling.  At this point we headed to the fire.

My mum & hubby were there to watch & also couldn't believe the difference in me.

The queue formed & as each person ran across the fire pit instead of feeling fear, anxiety, dread I was feeling excited & desperate for my turn!!

I got to the front & they needed to rake up the fire get it all hot again, Thanks!

Instructor: What's your name?

Me: CLLLLLAAAAARRRRREEEEE!!!!!! 

Instructor: Are you ready for this?

Me: YEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!WOOOOOOO

At that point I skipped across the fire.  Shouting "Yeaaahhhhh" as I went (very American, I know). The crowd cheered, I air punched it was amazing.

Did you enjoy it?

Hell, yeah!! I would recommend it to everyone! It is an amazing feeling.  No fear, knowing I can do it.  

This was a charity event for Yorkhill Children's Foundation in Glasgow.  It is a kids hospital that does soo much great work in Scotland, & as a child I did have to use their services so it was lovely to be able to give back.

But I would say I got loads out of the night too!  It was certainly a challenge.  I had to ask people for sponsorship.  I had to go into the training for the event on my own, that was a big thing for me.  Then had to be in front of a crowd of people & all this before I even take my shoes & socks off!!

But as this you may have guessed this post is about reminding myself that - I DID IT!

I can do what ever I put my mind to.  I can overcome my fears.  I can do things I never thought were possible.  I can surprise people, including myself.

Oh yeah & if you get a chance to do it - you should! It is awesome & I am glad I will have these memories. My plan is to pull the feelings & thoughts from that night any time I need it during the rest of my recovery!!

Caution feet pictures coming up!!

I leave you with some wise words & a link to my donating site!! (See my confidence is still sky high!)

“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.” - Walt Disney

“The only place where your dream becomes impossible is in your own thinking.” - Robert Schuller

Love Mrs Brown  xx

Reoccurring dental nightmare

NHS finest patient information leaflet

You may have read that I have been facing my dental fears and getting my teeth sorted.

The first extraction went great, the staff were amazing, understanding, patient and reassuring.  My mouth was painful, I have avoided the dentist for years so this was an emergency.  The injections were easy and they took away the pain! It took the dentist literally two minutes to remove the tooth, no pain, no pressure. I felt relief but also embarrassment why had I built up soo much fear? Why had I let my mouth get into this state?

I took to twitter and declared my trip a major success! I encouraged others to do the same, hash tag dentists aren't monsters was where I went on about how happy I was with my treatment.

Now one extraction wasn't going to sort out my mouth, so I signed up for more treatment.  My next appointment would be in 2 weeks.

These weeks came round fast and on the day of the second extraction, the stress came flooding back.

The empowered feeling that followed my first visit was completely gone and I was right back in fear central.  Again the staff were great but this visit didn't go so smoothly.

The tooth was down to gum level (my fault for avoiding dentists for so long) and posed difficult to remove.  Lots of pushing and pulling followed. Finally it was out, no real pain but my mouth felt like she had tried to climb inside.  Again there was some relief I managed to go through with it and although not as easy, I did it!

The same advice, pain killers, don't eat for few hours, no rinsing, no exercise etc etc.  Hubby was away so no resting on sofa had to go walk dog.  Anyway long story short I managed to not follow any of the aftercare advice and ended up with dry socket and then an infection.

So every few days I've HAD to go to dentist, in agony, getting the socket cleaned out and packed with a dressing that tastes and smells so vile even my dog was avoiding me!

The moral of the story, I did it! I proved to myself I can face my fears.  For me I need to concentrate on this achievement and would still sing the praises of the dentists.

I stand by my #dentistsarenotmonsters, and I'd like to think if I can get through this nightmare, I can get any treatment  I need done!

Oh yeah and do what your told!! The aftercare is given for a reason, make it easy on yourself and take your medicine.  Again a good lesson for me to learn.

I have now been in that dentist chair 4 times in 9 days!!  Is it getting easier? Not really?

This week has taken it's toll not just on my mouth but my mental health too.  I have been drained, not sleeping and not able to do the things that keep me on in balance.

It was scary how easy it was to slip back into the dark hole.  The sofa was the only thing that gave me comfort, I was avoiding the shower, avoiding going out, not eating properly, not sleeping, staying up late and just generally losing my grip.  In fact I had a mini melt down, but I think that may be worthy of a post on it's own.

My mouth is just healing now after dressings and antibiotics, and guess what? It's coming round to my next appointment for my final extraction!

I am going? Hell yeah! Because I need to learn to follow through.  This is a great challenge, but with great test comes great victory.  The achievement, the smile, the confidence I need this.

Did you know it's oral health month? Glad to see I'm doing my bit to raise awareness! Lol

Love Mrs Brown xx

Related articles

• No More Tooth Hurty at 2.30
• Dentophobia Part 1
• Anxiety in the Dentist's Chair

Dentophobia, my fear of the dentist

Now no-one likes getting treatment done at the dentist.  Why would they? However some have more than just a feeling fear.

Me, I have struggled with visiting the dentist since a young age.  I can't remember a specific visit or event triggering this, in fact I just remember all my appointments being bad. 

Like many families it was a 'family outing', only not the kind where you fight to go first!  I would always wait until my mum & brother had been seen, I think I thought they might forget me or wouldn't have enough time to fit us all in.  No such luck.  In fact my time in the chair was always longer than the others.  That much I do remember.

I always needed something done.  Not once did I climb up into that chair, lean back, open my mouth, squint my eyes from the light & hear

Clare, your teeth look fine, see you again in 6 months

This was what I longed for as I stood in the corner waiting my turn.  The smell, the chair, the lights, the instruments, everything was over powering.  Everything seemed so big & made me feel so small.

I had a few dentists as well, which meant explaining my fear over again.  The look of yes, yes get on the chair.  I know to many, especially a dentist, it may seem irrational.  A couple of butterflies, a little nervous perhaps, but my fear is more than that.

I remember an occasion where I got on the chair & after the mirror going in my mouth, the scraping tool (not the technical term) then out the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of my other big fear a huge syringe!!  Within seconds I had jumped across the room, flying from the chair, screeching out.  

Everyone looked at me like I was in the wrong.  But no one said anything about an injection, I wasn't prepared for this pain & I couldn't just sit there.  This was certainly a low point in my dental experience.  Because what was said next has stuck with me 

"Don't be so stupid, it's only a syringe, doesn't even have a needle, get back in the chair & stop being a big baby"

Nowadays a professional wouldn't say that, they wouldn't be allowed, but this didn't just come from the dentist.  

The nurse piped in with "your younger brother was braver than you", another said "the quicker you sit still, the quicker you will be out of here", then my mother. What words of encouragement & support do you think came from her direction, some one who is not keen on the dentist herself

Stop attention seeking, you wimp

Attention! I didn't want attention, I wanted to disappear.  Did I get back on the chair, yes.  Did it scar me for life, yes I think so!

When I turned 16, I was happy that I was no longer made to go to the dentist.

So I didn't go & I didn't look after my teeth.  I ignored my mouth.  I treated pain myself with pain killers.  Lots of them, most days.  I put up with the embarrassment of bad breath.  I did some horrible things to avoid visiting that chair again, avoiding the attention.  I will spare you the gruesome details. 

After many years of pain, last week, I felt vey unwell, had the kind of pain you just can't ignore & since my mental health wasn't great I was running on no sleep.  I had to do something about it.  I was going to have to face my fear & go to the dentist.

To be continued, but do you have a fear of the dentist? Have you ever gone to strange length to avoid that dental room?

Love Mrs Brown xx

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• My Fear of the Dentist (or Why I'm a Faint Risk)
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