How to relax

And relax .....

Relax, such a small word.

Few months ago I did a group on anxiety management & we got try out different relaxation techniques.  In a group some of them felt bit weird but it opened my eyes to how many different ways there are to relax. Most people will think sitting crossed legged at sunset on a beach or having a massage as the ultimate in relaxation but what happens when you freaking out at work or in the shopping centre, these techniques just aren't gonna work!  Not to forgot that needing a massage everyday to relax could turn out rather expensive unless you have a more than willing hubby ;-)

Holiday is a perfect time to relax.  So I as I am on holiday, that is just what I have tried to do.

First I started with a walk around the resort - this is what they call active relaxing.  Not everyone finds being still calming, so if your the kind of person that think sitting still would be torture then find some activity that relaxes you.  Examples would be golf, walking, swimming or for the more energetic running or the gym to clear your mind. I also tried swimming today & after the whole body conscious stress (sadly I struggle with me in a swimsuit, too much on display) however when i finally got in the pool, I did find this very therapeutic. There is also a gym here, but oh what a shame I forgot my trainers (any excuse!).

The spa would be relaxing if I wasn't so body conscious so I gave it a miss but at home I do find having a monthly facial booked in & knowing its in the diary is nice to look forward to & the head & neck massage I get is bliss!

In this age of technology of course there is an app for relaxing.  In fact there are loads!  So if one app or technique is not for you then please try others.  I have tried a few & the ones I find myself going back to over & over are the apps produced by Andrew Johnson.  He is Scottish so I may be bias about his safe voice & recognisable accent but I started off with his deep sleep app & have never looked back.  The free versions are great so much so I am aleays amazed they are free! So feel free to give him a try.  As I said everyone's technique will differ but it's worth giving it a go.

As my holiday draws closer to packing up & stressful travel time today I decided to make relaxation my aim of the game. I went for a walk, a swim then listened to Andrew but the pool, soaking up some well earned vitamin D & sunlight which always lifts my mood! (Had been considering a SAD light but not got a a SAD diagnosis so? ....)

The main thing I'm learning about relaxation techniques is that it's not fair to call on your deep breathing when your feeling overwhelmed or to turn to your meditation corner only when you've had a nightmare day. Sure these techniques will be there for you if you choose breathing, meditation, mindfullness, visualisation, yoga, Tai chi (wow the list goes on) the more you use the,the better you become at one reducing your body response to stress & two they can be so much more effective when you truly need them!

So if you can try do something everyday, not just on holiday.  Try incorporate your technique into your normal day. Make time for it, a little time out relaxing now can make you more productive in the long run.

Let me know how you relax

Love Mrs Brown xx

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When your laughing

"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it."

Bill Cosby

Recently me & Mr Brown how found ourself in some bizarre situations. You know those times where you don't know if you will laugh or cry.

Our house hunting day was just a prime example. We are on a tight budget but short listed 8 viewings we thought had potential. We kinda knew we would have to compromise but we were not prepared for what was 'in' our budget!

There was the house with the samurai sword in the window & knife collection in a shall we say run down neighbourhood. This house also boasted a garden he liked to call the "field" with a shed that had power but the roof was blown off 6months ago & would not be getting replaced! There was the one with the 'man cave' in the loft but you had to climb up through a cupboard! It was the house with many animals & the smell that finally got us.

We were at the point where you either laugh or cry. Bearing in mind we had no other potentials, choosing to cry would have been a really easy choice! In fact normally this would be my default option, jump straight to the worst case scenario, Mrs Brown the pessimist.

Instead we laughed so hard I did cry! But tears of laughter.

We kept the mood light & chose to laugh all our troubles away. *I know I stole this from a song*

Again on holiday, we ended up in the craziest place. Centre of town with people who speak very little English in a restaurant by some waterfall, attached to a fish farm, shall we say it was rustic? The kinda place that has a hole as a toilet, you getting an image? Normally I would panic try be polite but insist we leave, instead we laughed. We laughed when I gagged on the local red carrot juice & we especially laughed when the electricity went out & we were sat in darkness!

So as I write a post, I am reminded we always have a choice in how we react to the situation. You may think things are out of control but really your just on autopilot, you can choose, I did choose and I will continue to choose laughter. After all they do say it's the best medicine.

Love Mrs Brown xx

"It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either."

Wayne Dyer

Anxiety Holiday

Merhaba from Turkey!

I am currently sat by the pool in a gorgeous hotel in Antalya, Turkey.  Mr Brown is here for a congress with work & I have tagged along for my second holiday in the past 2 months!


Until recently I did not have an adult passport & it was to go on honeymoon that made me finally get one organised.  I hadn't been on holiday since I was 15 years old, nearly half my life ago!

Last year we went on honeymoon in September & we made it a trip of a life time packed full of places & lovely memories.  I have always seen other things as more important than a holiday such as paying off student debts, having a car, & general every day stuff!  However after the honeymoon I had caught the travelling bug & desperately wanted another holiday - somewhere, anywhere, there was a whole world out there I had been missing out on.  With my depression, going part time at work & moving house, holidays just weren't a priority so I gave up thinking about it.

Then up popped a trip to Italy.  My father in law would turn 60 in October & for his birthday he wanted to take the whole family to the villa in Italy they have been visiting for the past few years.  Wow a holiday & so generously paid for by my in laws.  Italy was wonderful & I will blog some more about it soon.

A few months into the year my hubby mentioned that he was going to Turkey & I may be able to tag along.  This fell through a few times with his work commitments then suddenly it was back on! Another holiday in November! This holiday is a whole different kettle of fish (never really understood that saying) instead of having loads of family around & very little time on my own, I would be on my own most of the day & with hubby & work colleagues in evenings.

I was optimistic, yeah I'll be fine, I'll just sit by the pool I said.  I'll please myself. Easier said than done for a girl with mental health issues. As isolating as depression can be, being forced to be on your own in a foreign place has been worrying.

Instead of the intended holiday from my anxiety I seem to have packed bag loads of worry & doubts in my case. I am shy, painfully when I am anxious so meeting Mr Brown's colleague was difficult as usuall hubby made me feel at ease & praised my efforts at small talk. Phew that's that done now I can relax right?

It seems like no.  In packing all this worry & doubt I had no space for any clothes that make me feel comfortable.  Self conscious at the best of times, faced with bare arms, legs & clothes I just avoid in the UK I am struggling.

So 3 days in I have finally made it out of the room & to the side of the pool. Go me!!

Not before changing several times & still feeling very self conscious I might add. Don't even get me started on how I feel nervous I feel at the restaurant having lunch for one!! So for the rest of the holiday must be onwards & upwards.

Do holidays make other people stressed or just me?

Love Mrs Brown xx

Feeling Sheepish

I am 29 years old and I enjoy knitting!

I know it may not be the 'coolest' past time but it felt good on holiday when my niece said

"Auntie Clare, How can you knit? I wish I could knit like you"

She's 5 and easily impressed but it felt nice.

During my second period of long term absence from work my key worker tried to get me to focus on activities that had nothing to do with dietetics.

My life at that time revolved around working, there was a big deal of guilt that I was not able to work and if I could do other things surely I should be at my work?

I had no hobbies. Not just as result of my depression but because I had dropped anything that didn't involve developing my career.  I wasn't sure what I 'liked' to do.

What did I enjoy doing? Seem like the hardest question.

I remember my granny teaching me how to knit when I was little.  Both of my grans were great knitters.  I had dabbled but lost interest somewhere along the way.

Knitting seemed to fit the criteria of an activity non work related.  It was a hobby, right?  It was something I liked to do? It was something I could do on my own.

I started off shaky. Watching tutorials, getting books and supplies.  The perfectionist in me ripped up many projects.

I would start, make a small mistake or something didn't turn out right and I would rip it all out and wind it back up into a ball of wool.  Like I had never been there.

I did finish some small projects.  Some scarves, a teddy, some xmas decorations and some baby stuff for my friends who were pregnant.  Some were fine, some didn't turn out so good!

As usual as my mood lifted and I went back to work I stopped doing the things that I enjoy.

Then recently at work a colleague mentioned that she was knitting for the Fish & Chip Babies.

Yes, the I did say the Fish & Chip babies.  Some newborn babies, have no blankets or clothes and are being wrapped up in newspaper to keep warm and have been affectionately named 'the fish & chip babies'.

The pattern is very simple.  A stretchy jumper outfit that will fit many babies.  It doesn't need to be perfect.  The tension doesn't need to be spot on and the colours can be as wild as you like.  In fact you are encouraged to use bright colours as the outfits are unlikely to be washed.

So as I looked out on a beautiful view on holiday I decided I would do something I enjoyed.

By chance I found a shop that sold wool and needles in the little town we were staying in Italy.  It was meant, I am sure of it.

The wonders of the internet meant, a quick search online and I had the pattern.

What better way to relax and enjoy the view

I have churned out a couple of outfits now.  Don't have pictures of all of them just the last couple.

It's satisfying to make something and I know that it is doing some good.

It has been great for clearing my mind and relaxing which was just what I needed on holiday with in laws!

Do you know how to knit? What project are you most proud of?

What do you enjoy doing?

Love Mrs Brown xx

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We have a house!

So I still need to post about our house hunting adventures but I have to get this out there!

We have a house!

After a long year waiting for our flat to sell, things seem to be moving fast.

Times are changing. I feel things are falling into place & it's a lovely feeling.

We now have a house, our very own home.

I am very chuffed with our choice.

Our house just ticks so many boxes for us

• a spare bedroom, so room for a family or guests
• a kitchen with enough cupboards that our pots & pans can be put away!
• a conservatory, so space for dining table, so finally guests don't need to eat off their lap!
• a garden for our doggy to lounge in & to enjoy
• a lovely neighbour hood with lots of walks for the dog
• closer to my work - half the mileage & time means longer in my bed ;-)

I could go on & on.

I did get the "you just know" feeling too!

So my new year posts will be filled with house moving & my new adventures in the country!!

Love Mrs Brown xx

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Under Offer

Loving our new sign!

So I have been quiet for a while now, but life has just been busy. We got an offer on our flat before our holiday and so the hunt for our new home has begun!

I've never bought a house before.

Never been a position to think about it before.

It feels so very grown up. That will be me married & buying a house.

Settled, a place of my own, home, that's what I'm looking for.

I moved away for uni by choice. I went to the furthest away uni that did my course in Scotland. Partly because I knew I had to get out my comfort zone and not rely on my boyfriend and friends, but instead make an effort to fit in with new people.

Ever since I seem to be on the move, never really settling much longer than a year. It was changing flats at uni, then moving for jobs, then promotions but now I will be moving to settle.

Things are all change. For the better.

I have a few house hunting stories already so I will keep you updated.

Do you really 'know' when it's the house for you? Will I just feel it?

Any handy hints or tips would be greatly received!

Love Mrs Brown xx

Asking for help

I wrote about self neglect and how I was pulling myself up slowly but when is the time to stop struggling on myself and ask for help?

I don't really have a support network.

I'm not sure who to turn to when the shit hits the fan.

My poor ever suffering husband is my best friend which kinda makes my inner circle very small in times of need. His poor shoulders burden a heavy load sometimes.

I have a key worker. She however has recently rescheduled two appointments. I called this week to say I couldn't make the new appointment hoping for a call back which would give me an opportunity to discuss what was swirling round my head right now. No such luck she sent me out a new appointment for 3 weeks time. So I managed to pluck up the courage to call on Friday, "sorry she doesn't work a Friday" was the response that echoed down the line. So I left a message to call me.

I suppose I shouldn't be so reliant on the community team, I should have friends and family I can talk to first. But I don't. So who do you ask for help?

It's not an emergency. In fact I'm not sure what help I need. I don't want to use the resources like Samaritans, I mean what would I say, Hi, I'm liking struggling a bit right now. Just doesn't seem like the right place to ask for help.

However I am taking the positives from the situation.

I am asking for help.

This is new for me.  Must be progress! I am usually very good at bottling things up.  I have now spoke with my team leader at work to make her aware, I have contacted my key worker and I have told my husband.

Although I haven't exactly got the response I wanted.  I have taken the first step.  Maybe the next step is to make sure I am looking in the right places for the right support.

One step at a time, though!

Love Mrs Brown xx

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