Overloaded

Moving day has been & gone but it has left a lasting lesson.

Our family helped us do the move ourselves.  We packed up all our belonging into a van.

Yes I did day - A van.

It didn't look much but the many trips up & down 3 flights of stairs at the flat confirmed we had a lot of stuff.

As I said in my moving post, we did clear out.  We had several trips to the recycling centre to get rid of "stuff".

Not enough stuff.

On our trip to the new house, my father in law got pulled over by the police.  The van ended up getting weighed & it was indeed overloaded.  It was heavier than it should have been.

Anyways bit of phone calls & extra vans later we were back on our way & unloading.

The van didn't look overloaded.  It was full, but not bulging or straining.  However it was most definitely too much stuff.

I have thought about this (probably too deeply!) & I feel the van is quite like our life.  Full of stuff & we are happy to be full & carry the load, but sometimes it just isn't safe.  Sometimes we need to share the load.  To make it manageable.

There is nothing wrong with lightening the load, sharing or asking for help.  Sometimes you need an extra van!

So we are in - probably with more stuff than we need but we made it, with a lot of help from our family!

Do you let yourself get overloaded?

Love Mrs Brown xx

Overthinking, Women's Troubles

Over thinking is a trait of mine.  Apparently I am not alone in my thinking, with some research showing that the majority of people my age are over thinkers, yeah and the majority of the majority are women! Go figure.

This week has been plagued with women's troubles. The human body can do some strange things let me tell you!

As my anxiety levels increase my over thinking goes into hyper drive.  In a weird way I think over thinking will help reduce my anxiety but the truth is, it just adds to it!

The logic in me says if I think things through properly, looking at all eventuality I will make the right decision. However in life there are so many variables, and everything is not as simplistic as right and wrong.

I have an hour drive to work every day.  When my mind is racing, this hour is definitely enough time to build a mountain out of a mole hole.  I find myself replaying scenarios, or questioning people's motives or doubting my own judgements.  Which can only lead to feeling physically ill as I put my key in the door to the office.

I can't avoid this start to the day as I have to drive to work. So every work day I start the day emotionally drained and nauseous and that's all before 9am.  I kept asking myself, What can I do to stop this cycle and make work mornings that bit more bearable?

Then I remembered how to stop the thinking.

Well not literally, because I need some thought processes to drive the car, my new car has a lot of features but it's not quite get in and go yet, yet.  It's coming, I mean I don't even need to turn my lights or wipers any more, my car just 'knows'.  I digressed.

Distraction.

To get out of my head and not think about the day ahead, or what people would think or say, or what might or might not happen, not to linger on the massive to do list which was in no way realistic for the day ahead.

Driving, was no longer a distraction.  Scary to say but this journey no longer required enough thinking to drown out the tones of that faithful overthinking voice.

So I started on an audioboook. I had a quick search through the internet for a book every girl should read.  In fact I think I looked for a book every plus size girl should read but we won't split hairs.  I came across Good in Bed.  This was not available on iTunes so I downloaded Certain Girls by Jennifer Weiner the follow up to Good in Bed.

It worked a treat! I am engrossed in the book.  I am enjoying the journey.  Looking forward to getting in the car instead of dreading the commute.  The book is just what I needed and I think I may even do a review when I'm finished. Check me, gathering up my posts, I am getting the hang of this blogging malarkey.

In fact I am now using it as a distraction any time I feel my mind start racing or when I hear stuff.  So I can thoroughly recommend distraction from your women's troubles by listening to someone else's troubles, without any need to help out or get involved.  Instead I can just truly listen to something else apart from my own worries!

Away I go to listen to my book! What are you reading/listening to?

How do you deal with over thinking?

Love Mrs Brown xx

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• A perpetual overthinker
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• Overthinking It?

Depressing shopping or depressed with shopping?

Strangely today, I have woken up with a sense of enthusiasm.  I attended Assertiveness group today & even talked a little.  Yeah, I know me talking in group, that's a first!  So I decided to use my new found energy & keep moving.

Finally returned some things to shop after my online spurge where nothing fitted (but in a good, yeah, it's too big way).  I have been known to keep things even if I don't like them or they don't fit, just because I was never in the right frame of mind to take them back, to have to interact with people other than for work or treatment.  I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous I mean it's a two minute conversation which goes much like this

me: Can I return these please? 

sales person: Is there anything wrong with them?

me: No, I'm sorry just don't fit

sales person: ok, sign here

DONE! Right? Well for me this scenario is missing some massive details.  The first is the anticipation of the above conversation, the overthinking on my part.  What are they going to say about how long I've had them? What if they don't believe me? This I can rationalise & usually get over but not without starting the panic about finding time (in my hectic, however non existent social life), getting parked, business of the shops, what to wear etc etc.  This delays the whole process some time.

Then comes the real mind games.  What does taking these clothes back really mean?  A harmless question you may think, with a simple answer.  For me the thoughts of inadequacy, body hating, low self esteem, not fitting with fashion, not having a sense of style, always getting it wrong all these thoughts are now bound up in the fabric of the clothes I want to take back.  To let you know, the clothes I am returning are from 2 weeks ago, I tried them on that day but it has taken me this amount of time to pluck up the courage to carry out a simple task.

That's what depression does to you.  That's what mental health is all about.  It is about affecting the small things that other people take for granted.  It's more than just being sad.  It's more than just picking yourself up & getting on with it.

Anyway you will be happy to know I did return the clothes, later than the standard return time, so it won't be the first time I have been charged for 1. delivery of said clothes (because I try to avoid people & shopping) 2. returning of said clothes (because I avoided people & shopping) and bear in mind all the money I have been charged was just to try these clothes on, I never actually keep them!  Or if I do they hang in my wardrobe or take up space in my drawers desperately hiding from my husband, someone who never avoids people, I would never even think about being charged for it.

Whilst in the shop, I did see something I did like.  So having tried on the clothes & knowing what size to go for I purchased an actual item today, from a real life shop.  You proud?  I do have a sarcatistic tone now but honestly you can't believe the things depression affects & what your mental health encroaches on.  So without further ado heres a pic of purchased item

Cute owl print shirt from Next

Look familiar? Yeah I posted this picture 2 weeks again when commenting on a failed shopping outing.  The outing that resulted in the online binge.  So I have went full circle & bought what I originally looked at in the first shop I originally went to.  No wonder men say we are terrible to shop with!  Cliche or what??

Have you ever gone full circle & ended up back where you started but happier with your decision because you took the long way?

Love Mrs Brown

ps I now have this shirt in pink too! Twit twoo???

Over thinking my unhelpful thinking styles

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) gets you to look at the thinking behind your behaviours and I am finding this useful as I tackle my depression.

I am becoming more aware of my thinking styles.  The more aware I become of my own thinking, the more I can challenge the unhelpful stuff.

I am very much a thinker, analytical, logical and have a massive case of over thinking and catastrophising to make matters worse.  

Nerdy science bit coming up.

So it appears I am a leftie thinker! 

I use the strategies and thought patterns that come from the left side of the brain.  I am all about the logics, the specifics, the details, I like to plan and organise and list things.  

This kind of thinking has it's obvious advantages, like being well prepared for an interview or problem solving or making informed choices.

Like most things though there is two sides to this story.  Relying solely on this type of thinking has it's disadvantages the main one I notice is that I can think and reason and plan so much that I actually don't take any action.  

I can write to-do lists all day but never actually score anything off as all my time and effort went into the listing stage.  For me this can be very draining, I have actually been over the tasks of the day several thousand times in my head before my feet touch the floor on my way out of bed.  You think about doing your day over and over and over in the same 24hours, it's exhausting.

My therapy is teaching me to branch out, to go over to the dark side or at least the right side of my brain.  I need a little more spontaneity, a bit more get up & go about me.  A bit more 'Just Do It!'  

So I decided to try this on a walk round the park with Bailey.

I do this walk (or a similar walk, everyday) yet I still can feel overwhelmed with all the thoughts and thinking I put into this simple everyday task.  

Instead of debating which way to go?, how long to be out?, what we will do when we finish?, what I will say if I meet someone?, what do I need to take? what will I do if the dog hurts himself? what will I do if they close the park gates early for some reason? What if, what if happens???? - I just started walking.

When I came to a turn I didn't think about it, I just made a split second decision based on how I felt there and then.  It felt great!!  

Sounds simple enough but it was a change from the racing thoughts that usually dominated the walk.

All enthusiastic and remembering Gretchin Ruben's commandment from the Happiness Project and her 'one minute rule' (to never postpone any task that takes less than a minute) I set about DOING things.  In no order, with no plan, just what ever popped up that would take less than a minute - I Just Did it!

I tidied, I made dinner and extra for lunch, I rearranged stuff in the kitchen, I ticked off a few things that had been on my list for ages!

Then forgetting all my CBT stuff about praising achievements and pacing myself I sat down to write this post to share my new found energy from this side of my brain and then it happened.

The switch back, the old habits, the old neural pathways

I went into my usual logical mode (because that is what a task like this requires) I trolled through references on logical thinking and then searched endless images for the 'perfect' picture for the post and hours later I realised how much I was over thinking again.

I was over thinking a post on over thinking!!  Then I found this

Luckily I did because it made me stop myself again and ponder on my learning rather than the post.

My conclusions for my 'right side' experience, well I am learning more about me.  I am testing the waters, gathering my own evidence.  Thats what CBT is all about, challenging the unhelpful thoughts, beliefs and behaviours.  I must be on the right track.

I now know more about my the thoughts behind my behaviours and in trying out new strategies to use in different situations, I will one day be able to use my thoughts to my advantage.   I had great success in switching over to the dark side.  But this is not a 'one side or the other' thing.   It is not right or wrong , black or white.  I need to be able to use the right strategy for the task at hand.

As with all my learning I am at the beginning of a journey, a path that will keep me well and yes I'll have set backs along the way but I proved I can

Just Do It!

Love Mrs Brown xx

Related articles

• Unhelpful Thinking Styles - CBT
• You Can't Change What You Are Not Aware Of
• Think thoughtfully.