What have I been up to??

What have I been up to?

Good question!

I have been doing the stuff that must be done - like get washed, dressed, walk the dog, eat, go to work, etc, etc.  The stuff that keeps your life normal.

But that's about all I've managed.  Sometimes I just don't have the energy, the strength or even the will to do anything more.

So I have neglected my blog, I even stopped retweeting, I didn't check in on Facebook & Google reader - well apparently it is no more!  A little reminder that although I may have been standing still, social media and life in general never stops.

Slowly but surely I have been opening my mac again.  Dipping my toe into the world wide web again. Catching up with life.

And I think I'm ready to jump back in again.

Love Mrs Brown xx

I can see!

Hello, I can see you! Not in a creepy way, honest.

I can now see, thanks to my new glasses.

Last Friday I managed to get to the opticians.  I had been putting this off for a while, a few years to be precise.

Why put it off? Well, expense & choosing new glasses.  I did need new glasses my prescription has changed significantly & I have a new stigma - I have no idea what that all meant but I trust the optician.

Specsavers had the Buy one get one free offer so I took advantage & got myself not one new shiny pair but two!!  Now I have a choice again.

Hold on to you hats as I went for a change!  Hubby helped me choose which was good cos the sales people were nice but I do find it hard believe them when every pair looks lovely on you.

Gok Wan were my first choice.  I heard the collection was vintage inspired & hubby went straight for them in the shop.

Company Magazine said: 

GW by Gok Wan is a capsule collection of 30 stunning glasses. Think cool, retro designs inspired by decades past, from the 1940s right through to the 1970s. Using eye-accentuating colours such as ivory, caramel, navy and grey, coupled with discreet branding, the range oozes subtle glamour. 

I went for a gorgeous cats' eye shape a big change & still getting used to the statement they make when I wear them but I do love them.

My second pair are from Karen Millen & after trying on like what felt like every pair in the shop, these lovelies fit like a glove.  They also have a nod to the past & leopard print!  I decided to get Reaction lenses on these so this pair doubles as sun glasses - how very cool!

So what do you think?  You like my new glasses?

Love Mrs Brown xx

Highs and Lows

They say life is not about the destination but the journey.  Recovering from depression if you focus too much on feeling better you can miss how far you have come.  I wrote a post on this time last year, as it's good to keep track of your journey & not just the highs & lows. My hubby is very good at reminding me not to focus on the negative & the lows but instead to look at the bigger picture.  

Maybe I am just impatient but I want to be 'better'. I want to just be there already! The kid in the back of the car saying are we there yet? every few minutes is me! However the problem is, I have no idea where I am going.  There is no map or travel planner for life's journey.

How do I define better? How does my psychiatrist & GP define it & do we think the same.

Sometimes the road ahead is bright & simple

My main focus for the past few months has been to be getting back to work.  The plan for this included establishing routines, pacing myself with tasks & getting used to being with people more. I suppose I have done this.

I have returned to work on a part time basis.

I get up (most days, I am never going to be a morning person! My body just functions so much better at night time).

I get through my to do list at work & I am not taking stuff home.

I speak to people when I am there, that counts as being sociable right?

So am I better? Do I still have symptoms of depression is what my GP asks? Well that is the pressing question.

Everyone experiences highs and low, your mood is never constant as it changes throughout the day & day to day. When you've been diagnosed with depression though, I felt like suddenly these changes in mood that are normal for most people didn't apply to me.  For instance if I was laughing or having a normal conversation my family would say "oh your much better now" & rightly, I was no longer crying or sitting in silence but I still felt in slow motion or like I was working damn hard at being 'normal'.  Am I holding myself back, I asked my key worker.  I don't want to be someone who is always playing the victim, oh woo is me.  It also works for when I'm just tired or just have no real chat & suddenly family are worrying - are you ok? Are you sure? You don't seem fine - I am allowed to have off days too!!

Sometimes the road ahead seem like an uphill struggle with barriers along the way!

I am travelling the road of recovery.  I have had some pit stops along the way,  I started in Deep Depression then dropped by Hotel Anxiety & stayed there a while, Low Self Esteem Inn always have a room on standby for me & I drop in regularly.  I appear to be climbing Voice Mountain at the moment, a new unexpected place that no one else seems to be overly concerned about but for me is terrifying.

Everyone's journey through life is different.  Mine is going through a bumpy patch but that just adds to the adventure, right?

Please feel free to share a little of your journey below

Love Mrs Brown xx

Sunday Social - Brought to you by the number two

Here we go again, its Sunday, so I'm being sociable!  A little later than usual but still linking up with the hostess' with the mostestesses - I know it's not even a word! ;-)  It's Ashley & Neely with this week's questions.

This week is sponsored by the number Two.

If you were stuck on an island what are the two material items you would want to have?

Are we talking practical or just crazy wants?
Practical (I'm thinking I could survive for longer if I had these as long as there was food as well of course)
1. A good supply of razors - or else I'd end up like a hairy animal!
2. Music - preferably 80s or cheesy pop would see me through the long days
Crazy Want
1. iPhone - to call home lol
2. a hair dryer - my hair looks greasy if I let it dry naturally

What are the two TV shows you'd watch over and over?

1. Got to be Grey's Anatomy - I am addicted.  Plus sooooooo much happens in each episode I never get tired of it. Drama, medical stuff & hot doctors what more could a girl ask for!

2. My second choice is not so clear cut.  I think at mo I would have to say New Girl - it's my new obsession & seen a few repeats already & still find them funny! It's Jess!

If your house was on fire what two things aside from family, pets, etc would you grab?

Sadly I know I would go for my phone & my laptop - it would be a big loss to me to lose both of these.  My mum did have a house fire, I wasn't in at the time, but everything can be replaced nowadays even photos & memories.

What are your two favourite articles of clothing?

Scarfs! I wear one everyday, even though it doesn't comply with uniform policy.  I need a scarf!

What are your two movies that you saw in the past year would you recommend to us?

This one sticks in my mind.  Use your time wisely.


Not in the last year but also sticks in my mind - had the cinema to myself & loved Michelle's take on Marilyn.

What are your two biggest guilty pleasures?

1. Galaxy minstrels but I don't like labelling chocolate as guilty pleasure so I'd say cheesy 80s music (two in one line, I must really like the number two)
2. Buying yarn because it's pretty even though I have too much already - I do the same with shoes!

Love Mrs Brown xx

Now to Settle In

Now to settle in to our new house.

I think we are at that settling in phase now in the house.

We have had all our 'firsts'

Like our the first unlocking of the front door

Our first walk with the dog

We even had our first mouse (sadly Hector is no longer with us!),  then my first cold shower & I've already managed my first night on my own.

You get the picture we're past that stage, now just trying to settle in. I am desperately trying to find a new routine, get some normality back.  I find routine really helps me feel in control & on top of my mood.

Still feel a bit up in the air, with new furniture coming & rooms still not finished as a result.  I've unpacked, I've got things in the 'right' place, I've started decorating & making the place ours but what next?

Where do you start to build a new routine in a new house?
What it is that makes you feel settled, comfortable in your house?- any ideas will be gratefully received!

I looked & used checklists for moving so off to google I headed.  I've not only moved house, I've moved area.  So I have found a few ideas to get me settling in to a new town.

1.  Be a tourist - I am going to make a list of the things in our area you can get up to & get together with Mr Brown to plan some outings.  This is set out a plan for my days off (I like plans!) & will be a fun way to get to know the area.  I am going to start with at the local inn I noticed lots of leaflets for tourists that should be a good place to start!

2.  I'm going to get myself a local paper.  Why didn't I think of this?! Such an easy way to get to know the local goings on.  Ok I'm not sure what day it comes out or what it's called but I'm sure hubby will help by enquiring at the shop.

3. Check out the village hall - I think I know where this, I also think they have a Scottish Women's Rural Institute (the Rural) - a group of women who get together for classes & demonstrations in cooking, crafts, homemaking & keeping up Scottish traditions.  My gran & older aunts have been members in their communities.  I'll see if I can pluck up the courage to go!

That should be enough to keep me going & get me settled in.

Wish me luck.

Love Mrs Brown xx

Sunday Social

Sunday comes round so quickly these days! That time again where I link up with Ashley & Neely for Sunday Social.

This week the theme to the questions is We're Getting Deep

What is your ideal way to relax?

Walking the dog or meditating
Listening to music also soothes me - weirdly though I have to plan to relax, doesn't happen naturally very often.

Where is your favourite place to be?

By the sea - even on a freezing cold windy day in Scotland I love the beach or my bed!

Who do you consider your biggest role model?

Stumped - not really sure I have one

What does you life look like in 3 years?

Happy.
Maybe a wee kiddie? Oh I've said that out loud now.

If you could go back & change one decision what would it be?

I think if I ponder this one too much I could get quite deep but I think the best answer for me would be Everything happens for a reason.  You may not know the reason now or ever so I don't want to change that big master plan for me!

What is you biggest accomplishment in life thus far?

This is a funny one for me as recovering from depression you need to learn to accept lots of little accomplishments along the way.  I used to say getting my degree but honestly there was days (not so long ago) when my biggest accomplishment was getting dressed.  My fire & glass walk has also got to be high up the list.

Enjoy what's left of your Sunday,

Love Mrs Brown xx