Sunday, 28 October 2012

Feeling Sheepish

I am 29 years old and I enjoy knitting!

I know it may not be the 'coolest' past time but it felt good on holiday when my niece said

"Auntie Clare, How can you knit? I wish I could knit like you"

She's 5 and easily impressed but it felt nice.

During my second period of long term absence from work my key worker tried to get me to focus on activities that had nothing to do with dietetics.

My life at that time revolved around working, there was a big deal of guilt that I was not able to work and if I could do other things surely I should be at my work?

I had no hobbies. Not just as result of my depression but because I had dropped anything that didn't involve developing my career.  I wasn't sure what I 'liked' to do.

What did I enjoy doing? Seem like the hardest question.

I remember my granny teaching me how to knit when I was little.  Both of my grans were great knitters.  I had dabbled but lost interest somewhere along the way.

Knitting seemed to fit the criteria of an activity non work related.  It was a hobby, right?  It was something I liked to do? It was something I could do on my own.

I started off shaky. Watching tutorials, getting books and supplies.  The perfectionist in me ripped up many projects.

I would start, make a small mistake or something didn't turn out right and I would rip it all out and wind it back up into a ball of wool.  Like I had never been there.

I did finish some small projects.  Some scarves, a teddy, some xmas decorations and some baby stuff for my friends who were pregnant.  Some were fine, some didn't turn out so good!

As usual as my mood lifted and I went back to work I stopped doing the things that I enjoy.

Then recently at work a colleague mentioned that she was knitting for the Fish & Chip Babies.

Yes, the I did say the Fish & Chip babies.  Some newborn babies, have no blankets or clothes and are being wrapped up in newspaper to keep warm and have been affectionately named 'the fish & chip babies'.

The pattern is very simple.  A stretchy jumper outfit that will fit many babies.  It doesn't need to be perfect.  The tension doesn't need to be spot on and the colours can be as wild as you like.  In fact you are encouraged to use bright colours as the outfits are unlikely to be washed.

So as I looked out on a beautiful view on holiday I decided I would do something I enjoyed.

By chance I found a shop that sold wool and needles in the little town we were staying in Italy.  It was meant, I am sure of it.

The wonders of the internet meant, a quick search online and I had the pattern.

What better way to relax and enjoy the view

I have churned out a couple of outfits now.  Don't have pictures of all of them just the last couple.

It's satisfying to make something and I know that it is doing some good.

It has been great for clearing my mind and relaxing which was just what I needed on holiday with in laws!

Do you know how to knit? What project are you most proud of?

What do you enjoy doing?

Love Mrs Brown xx

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Friday, 26 October 2012

We have a house!

So I still need to post about our house hunting adventures but I have to get this out there!

We have a house!

After a long year waiting for our flat to sell, things seem to be moving fast.

Times are changing. I feel things are falling into place & it's a lovely feeling.

We now have a house, our very own home.

I am very chuffed with our choice.

Our house just ticks so many boxes for us

  • a spare bedroom, so room for a family or guests
  • a kitchen with enough cupboards that our pots & pans can be put away!
  • a conservatory, so space for dining table, so finally guests don't need to eat off their lap!
  • a garden for our doggy to lounge in & to enjoy
  • a lovely neighbour hood with lots of walks for the dog
  • closer to my work - half the mileage & time means longer in my bed ;-)
I could go on & on.

I did get the "you just know" feeling too!

So my new year posts will be filled with house moving & my new adventures in the country!!

Love Mrs Brown xx

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Thursday, 25 October 2012

Under Offer

Loving our new sign!
So I have been quiet for a while now, but life has just been busy. We got an offer on our flat before our holiday and so the hunt for our new home has begun!

I've never bought a house before.

Never been a position to think about it before.

It feels so very grown up. That will be me married & buying a house.

Settled, a place of my own, home, that's what I'm looking for.

I moved away for uni by choice. I went to the furthest away uni that did my course in Scotland. Partly because I knew I had to get out my comfort zone and not rely on my boyfriend and friends, but instead make an effort to fit in with new people.

Ever since I seem to be on the move, never really settling much longer than a year. It was changing flats at uni, then moving for jobs, then promotions but now I will be moving to settle.

Things are all change. For the better.

I have a few house hunting stories already so I will keep you updated.

Do you really 'know' when it's the house for you? Will I just feel it?

Any handy hints or tips would be greatly received!

Love Mrs Brown xx

Monday, 1 October 2012

Asking for help

I wrote about self neglect and how I was pulling myself up slowly but when is the time to stop struggling on myself and ask for help?

I don't really have a support network.

I'm not sure who to turn to when the shit hits the fan.

My poor ever suffering husband is my best friend which kinda makes my inner circle very small in times of need. His poor shoulders burden a heavy load sometimes.

I have a key worker. She however has recently rescheduled two appointments. I called this week to say I couldn't make the new appointment hoping for a call back which would give me an opportunity to discuss what was swirling round my head right now. No such luck she sent me out a new appointment for 3 weeks time. So I managed to pluck up the courage to call on Friday, "sorry she doesn't work a Friday" was the response that echoed down the line. So I left a message to call me.

I suppose I shouldn't be so reliant on the community team, I should have friends and family I can talk to first. But I don't. So who do you ask for help?

It's not an emergency. In fact I'm not sure what help I need. I don't want to use the resources like Samaritans, I mean what would I say, Hi, I'm liking struggling a bit right now. Just doesn't seem like the right place to ask for help.

However I am taking the positives from the situation.

I am asking for help.

This is new for me.  Must be progress! I am usually very good at bottling things up.  I have now spoke with my team leader at work to make her aware, I have contacted my key worker and I have told my husband.

Although I haven't exactly got the response I wanted.  I have taken the first step.  Maybe the next step is to make sure I am looking in the right places for the right support.

One step at a time, though!

Love Mrs Brown xx

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