Sunday, 18 November 2012

Loving someone with depression

I mention Mr Brown in most of my posts, mainly because he helps me through everything.  He sometimes stop by to read my thoughts & as I was writing on holiday he asked if he could do a piece for my blog.

So without further babbling, I hand you over to Mr Brown, for my first ever guest post.

Being in sales is tough. I work in a large territory that spans many countries, and every day I need to get up and get going. It's never been a problem to me, to motivate myself. I am motivated by doing my best, and it's easy to keep going when I am working hard.

I remember 15 years ago when my mum went to the doctors with a painful lump on the back of her hand. He told her it was nothing to worry about. Quickly this lump spread and her fingers and toes begin to swell. She had severe arthritis. 
 Walking and moving became painful for her. It used to break my heart hearing her sob in the night, from the constant pain. Now it is better controlled, but she still has painful bouts of arthritis and is managed by a team of experts. She needs a hip replacement and this will hopefully improve her again, but the years of pain are etched on her face now.

In December 2009 I had just started my dream job. I was sitting in a hotel in Switzerland speaking to Mrs. Brown. She didn't sound quite right and I pestered her to tell me what was wrong. She had been diagnosed with depression. I hadn't noticed the 'lump on the back of her hand', the low mood and lack of motivation. I just thought she was lazy. That day began the decent for both of us. For nearly a year I felt like I was that helpless 15 year old boy, listening to his mothers sobs, desperately wanting my wife-to-be to begin to pull her self out of whatever was causing her to be 'not herself'. It was a year before I really began to understand. I just couldn't get how anyone could not be motivated. Things did get better. Then after a few months, it got much worse again. 

It isn't easy  caring for a person with depression. There is no help in doing things in the house, no enthusiasm for days out, no intimacy, no laughter and no release from the pressure. But now I see the old Mrs. Brown back from time to time, for longer and longer. There is still some ups and downs but they are less severe and don't last as long. We both have to accept that this, like arthritis, will persist for years, but the better controlled, the less severe the relapses will be. But it isn't arthritis. You can't see the symptoms and we both have to realise when things are not right and act accordingly. Prevention is better than relapse.

Every cloud has a silver lining. Our relationship is strong because I reckon, if we can survive the lows of the last two years, we can survive anything. I love Mrs. Brown, and together we will succeed.

Depression hasn't  pushed us apart, but made us grow together. And our relationship is stronger for it.

His kind words are great for me to hear but I also hope they may help someone else in a similar relationship.

Love Mrs Brown xx
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  1. Thanks Mr B. so beautifully written, I have a Mr B too who has to look after me, depressed Mrs B and like you, he has endured all you have and I hope just like you guys, our relationship is made of strong enough stuff to see us through the highs and lows. X x x

    1. Thanks for your comment, he has done me proud, Again! A lovely nod to all the partners who see us through x