I Love You

I am lucky to have a husband who says I Love You many times each day.

But yesterday he said it in a lovely imaginative way!  He sent me an AmazeBox.

AmazeBox landed on doormat

AmazeBox is a little box that comes through the post with some treats inside.  Inside my box was a single red rose, a sweet smelling moisturiser and some yummy chocolates.

I love you - a special little sentence.  At our wedding we wanted our tables to have names so we called them "3 Words", "8 Letters" and "1 Meaning" all meaning I Love You.

We also had a Rose Ceremony straight after the wedding.  We exchanged single red roses as our first gifts as husband and wife.  The ceremony asks us to use roses as a reminder of our special day and if there are times when we are finding it hard to say the words we can use that single red rose to say those special 3 words "I Love You".

What a lovely idea, a little box of treats.

If you fancy 25% of an AmazeBox I have a referral code MSQ4G7

Enjoy! Love Mrs Brown xx

Week so far

Week 2 - I'm still struggling to get into the zone.

My eating has been a hit & a miss this week - very much up & down.  I'm desperately trying to keep on track.

Here's how I've gone with this week's challenges.

1. Ditch the scales

I didn't ditch the scales, I'm afraid I need them just now.  I need to go to slimming class to keep me on track.  It would be so easy to let the pounds I've lost creep back on.  I was 1/2 pound down, at least it's going in the right direction, but I know I am capable of much more.

2. Create an inspiration wordle

Now I love wordle, they just look so cool.  I played around with it & decided to use words about how I wanted to feel or what I want to achieve.  I revisited my Myfitnesspal profile page & it reminded me 'Why I want to get in shape' and 'My Inspirations'.  It was good to come back to these reasons & a wordle is a great way to keep these in focus.  So I am going to print out my pretty wordle & put it on my fridge.

3. Track my food every day

I have no excuse, I just haven't done it.  This is also one of my goals.  So next week I will definitely be back on it!

As I write it's making me want to do better.  I want to really take on this challenge.  This week I am really going to plan meals & track to keep on track.

I can do this!

Love Mrs Brown xx

Weight Loss Goals & Week 1

I've taken up the 12 week Summer Weight Loss Challenge and the first challenge is goal setting.

What do I want to achieve over the next 12 weeks?

I know I want to lose weight but I need to make my goals - specific, measurable and achievable.  I hope  by having these weight loss goals it will help provide focus and motivation.  These need to positive.

It's taken some time, but I think I've got them.  My weight loss goals for the challenge.

Goal 1

In 12 weeks I will have lost 1 stone.

I am attending a slimming class and getting weighed weekly.  I have been losing weight ~1lb per week so in order to achieve my weight loss goal I will need to up my game.  I will need to lose 2lbs on at least 2 weeks.  I think this is achievable, enough of a stretch to challenge me but realistic enough that I'm not setting myself up to fail.

Goal 2

I will have an exercise routine

• I will go to Zumba on Monday and Wednesday
• I will do my exercise DVD on a Thursday
• I will go swimming on a Friday

I am already going to Zumba Monday and Wednesday but I regularly debate with myself about going.  The debating stops.  I will be attending because I enjoy it!  I am off on a Thursday and a Friday and I am in desperate need of some structure to these days.  By committing to an exercise DVD and swimming I can plan my days off and hopefully make them more productive as well as more active!

Goal 3

I will follow a calorie controlled diet

I have been using My Fitness Pal for a while, but kinda fallen out of the habit of logging.  So I plan to get back on this to keep me accountable.  By calorie counting I need to make the right choices, healthy food choices.  If you want to support me on there, my username is MrsBrownThought, feel free to add me!

So my goals for the next few weeks have been set.

As for this week well it's kinda been a right off.  My mind just hasn't been in the right place.  I am not making excuses just my priorities this week have been to keep me sane!  I am in a better place today & with my goals set I feel ready to take on the challenge.

I will post mid week how I am getting on with this weeks challenges. Wish me luck!

Love Mrs Brown x

All over the place

There have been some highs and some lows these past few weeks.  I've been a bit all over the place.

I had a great meeting with my new psychiatrist, his explanations just make soo much sense.  So after two brief appointments I felt over the moon when he suggested coming off 2 of my medications.

In my mind, I'm doing fine, let's get off the meds  - was just what I wanted to hear.

I've been feeling broody.  I've heard my biological clock ticking.  But I wouldn't risk getting pregnant on my meds, I would really like not to have to worry about what harm medications could do, and even better would like not to worry about my mood.  Anyways the quicker I'm off my meds, the quicker we can try for a baby.  That was my thinking.  So yes, I was ready to come off.

Off I skipped, chuffed with myself.  This guy had seen progress & he felt I was ready to stop popping a few pills each day.

5 days later .......

I'm a wreck, I'm shaking inside, my stomach is doing flips, my mind is racing, I haven't slept & my to do list at work seems like it's written on a never ending scroll.

What happened to the girl who was ready for this?  Where is the Mrs Brown that the psychiatrist was so pleased with?  The one whose symptoms had improved?

The answer, I have no idea.  But she has definitely gone.  Instead I am left with the Mrs Brown who is struggling, the one who is unsure of herself, questioning everything, including this bloody decision to come off my meds.

Did I come off to quickly? Maybe, anyways I can't afford to take steps back.  I can't afford to be off work.

So I am back on.  I'm taking the little pill that seems to be making a massive difference.

At least it gave me something to write about, eh?  It certainly wasn't another week of feeling nothing.  I had plenty of feelings, just not the strong, confident, fine ones I had hoped for.

Sorry for the rambleyness of this post but as the title says my mind is all over the place.

Love Mrs Brown xx

12 Week Summer Weight Loss Challenge & Link Up

I have been a bit quiet on the blog front.  I have been struggling for inspiration.  Well I've found some!

I found a challenge.  A summer weight loss challenge.

I've been keeping up with different blogs on bloglovin and have been drawn to fitness and weight loss blogs.  I have long struggled with my weight and always seem to be wanting to lose weight but never actually doing it!

But I joined a slimming group, and for the past 10 weeks I've weighing in.  My progress has been slow but mainly because I've had a lack of focus.  I've been weighing in, and kinda watching what I'm eating but not really putting in a great deal of effort.  I've been selling myself short.  Soo ......

Challenge Accepted.

Every Friday Caitlin over at Weights and Measure will post three new mini challenges.  I try to complete the challenges and do a post about my week.

I think this is a great way for me to put in the effort and to stay accountable.

The challenge will run for 12 weeks - which takes us right up to the day before my holidays! What perfect motivation.

This week the challenges are

1. Identify three weight loss goals I would like to achieve or work towards over the next 12 weeks
- I'm nearly there with my goals but I think they deserve a post on their own - stay tuned!

2. Drink 2L of water per day - gonna be a tough one for me, especially with my diet coke addiction!

3. Get active - 30mins of activity per day - sure Bailey will help me out with this one.

Caitlin's been so organised there is even a hashtag! #12wkssummerchallenge so I will be tweeting along as well.

The little things

Hello! Long time, no speak.

I am not going to ramble on about being away or coming back, all I will say is that today I feel ready to write.

Today feels like a turning point, feels like I've been able to stop & take stock. Focus on the little things.

I seem to have glossed over the little things that keep me going.  I have been missing my zumba, my hair was in terrible need of a colour & cut, my skin was screaming out for a facial and my computer had been gathering dust.  The little things that make me feel "me" have been neglected.

Today I noticed that things were beginning to slip.  I was able to see what I needed to do!

My pick me up - repair kit

I got my Liz Earle Cleanse & Polish from the back of the cabinet & gave my skin a freshen up.  The difference is incredible, my skin feels smooth & nourished.

Then I found a sample of shampoo & conditioner I have carted from the flat to here but had left it hiding in a drawer, probably never to be used!

But today I fancied a change, a pick me up.  My hair deserved it, my hair needed it!  So Tresemme Split Remedy to the rescue.  My hair feels silky smooth, it smells divine & looks much healthier.

No more split ends!

And I feel stronger, fresher & more together.  It's the little things that can make a big difference.

Love Mrs Brown xx

What have I been up to??

What have I been up to?

Good question!

I have been doing the stuff that must be done - like get washed, dressed, walk the dog, eat, go to work, etc, etc.  The stuff that keeps your life normal.

But that's about all I've managed.  Sometimes I just don't have the energy, the strength or even the will to do anything more.

So I have neglected my blog, I even stopped retweeting, I didn't check in on Facebook & Google reader - well apparently it is no more!  A little reminder that although I may have been standing still, social media and life in general never stops.

Slowly but surely I have been opening my mac again.  Dipping my toe into the world wide web again. Catching up with life.

And I think I'm ready to jump back in again.

Love Mrs Brown xx

I can see!

Hello, I can see you! Not in a creepy way, honest.

I can now see, thanks to my new glasses.

Last Friday I managed to get to the opticians.  I had been putting this off for a while, a few years to be precise.

Why put it off? Well, expense & choosing new glasses.  I did need new glasses my prescription has changed significantly & I have a new stigma - I have no idea what that all meant but I trust the optician.

Specsavers had the Buy one get one free offer so I took advantage & got myself not one new shiny pair but two!!  Now I have a choice again.

Hold on to you hats as I went for a change!  Hubby helped me choose which was good cos the sales people were nice but I do find it hard believe them when every pair looks lovely on you.

Gok Wan were my first choice.  I heard the collection was vintage inspired & hubby went straight for them in the shop.

Company Magazine said: 

GW by Gok Wan is a capsule collection of 30 stunning glasses. Think cool, retro designs inspired by decades past, from the 1940s right through to the 1970s. Using eye-accentuating colours such as ivory, caramel, navy and grey, coupled with discreet branding, the range oozes subtle glamour. 

I went for a gorgeous cats' eye shape a big change & still getting used to the statement they make when I wear them but I do love them.

My second pair are from Karen Millen & after trying on like what felt like every pair in the shop, these lovelies fit like a glove.  They also have a nod to the past & leopard print!  I decided to get Reaction lenses on these so this pair doubles as sun glasses - how very cool!

So what do you think?  You like my new glasses?

Love Mrs Brown xx

Highs and Lows

They say life is not about the destination but the journey.  Recovering from depression if you focus too much on feeling better you can miss how far you have come.  I wrote a post on this time last year, as it's good to keep track of your journey & not just the highs & lows. My hubby is very good at reminding me not to focus on the negative & the lows but instead to look at the bigger picture.  

Maybe I am just impatient but I want to be 'better'. I want to just be there already! The kid in the back of the car saying are we there yet? every few minutes is me! However the problem is, I have no idea where I am going.  There is no map or travel planner for life's journey.

How do I define better? How does my psychiatrist & GP define it & do we think the same.

Sometimes the road ahead is bright & simple

My main focus for the past few months has been to be getting back to work.  The plan for this included establishing routines, pacing myself with tasks & getting used to being with people more. I suppose I have done this.

I have returned to work on a part time basis.

I get up (most days, I am never going to be a morning person! My body just functions so much better at night time).

I get through my to do list at work & I am not taking stuff home.

I speak to people when I am there, that counts as being sociable right?

So am I better? Do I still have symptoms of depression is what my GP asks? Well that is the pressing question.

Everyone experiences highs and low, your mood is never constant as it changes throughout the day & day to day. When you've been diagnosed with depression though, I felt like suddenly these changes in mood that are normal for most people didn't apply to me.  For instance if I was laughing or having a normal conversation my family would say "oh your much better now" & rightly, I was no longer crying or sitting in silence but I still felt in slow motion or like I was working damn hard at being 'normal'.  Am I holding myself back, I asked my key worker.  I don't want to be someone who is always playing the victim, oh woo is me.  It also works for when I'm just tired or just have no real chat & suddenly family are worrying - are you ok? Are you sure? You don't seem fine - I am allowed to have off days too!!

Sometimes the road ahead seem like an uphill struggle with barriers along the way!

I am travelling the road of recovery.  I have had some pit stops along the way,  I started in Deep Depression then dropped by Hotel Anxiety & stayed there a while, Low Self Esteem Inn always have a room on standby for me & I drop in regularly.  I appear to be climbing Voice Mountain at the moment, a new unexpected place that no one else seems to be overly concerned about but for me is terrifying.

Everyone's journey through life is different.  Mine is going through a bumpy patch but that just adds to the adventure, right?

Please feel free to share a little of your journey below

Love Mrs Brown xx

Sunday Social - Brought to you by the number two

Here we go again, its Sunday, so I'm being sociable!  A little later than usual but still linking up with the hostess' with the mostestesses - I know it's not even a word! ;-)  It's Ashley & Neely with this week's questions.

This week is sponsored by the number Two.

If you were stuck on an island what are the two material items you would want to have?

Are we talking practical or just crazy wants?
Practical (I'm thinking I could survive for longer if I had these as long as there was food as well of course)
1. A good supply of razors - or else I'd end up like a hairy animal!
2. Music - preferably 80s or cheesy pop would see me through the long days
Crazy Want
1. iPhone - to call home lol
2. a hair dryer - my hair looks greasy if I let it dry naturally

What are the two TV shows you'd watch over and over?

1. Got to be Grey's Anatomy - I am addicted.  Plus sooooooo much happens in each episode I never get tired of it. Drama, medical stuff & hot doctors what more could a girl ask for!

2. My second choice is not so clear cut.  I think at mo I would have to say New Girl - it's my new obsession & seen a few repeats already & still find them funny! It's Jess!

If your house was on fire what two things aside from family, pets, etc would you grab?

Sadly I know I would go for my phone & my laptop - it would be a big loss to me to lose both of these.  My mum did have a house fire, I wasn't in at the time, but everything can be replaced nowadays even photos & memories.

What are your two favourite articles of clothing?

Scarfs! I wear one everyday, even though it doesn't comply with uniform policy.  I need a scarf!

What are your two movies that you saw in the past year would you recommend to us?

This one sticks in my mind.  Use your time wisely.


Not in the last year but also sticks in my mind - had the cinema to myself & loved Michelle's take on Marilyn.

What are your two biggest guilty pleasures?

1. Galaxy minstrels but I don't like labelling chocolate as guilty pleasure so I'd say cheesy 80s music (two in one line, I must really like the number two)
2. Buying yarn because it's pretty even though I have too much already - I do the same with shoes!

Love Mrs Brown xx

Now to Settle In

Now to settle in to our new house.

I think we are at that settling in phase now in the house.

We have had all our 'firsts'

Like our the first unlocking of the front door

Our first walk with the dog

We even had our first mouse (sadly Hector is no longer with us!),  then my first cold shower & I've already managed my first night on my own.

You get the picture we're past that stage, now just trying to settle in. I am desperately trying to find a new routine, get some normality back.  I find routine really helps me feel in control & on top of my mood.

Still feel a bit up in the air, with new furniture coming & rooms still not finished as a result.  I've unpacked, I've got things in the 'right' place, I've started decorating & making the place ours but what next?

Where do you start to build a new routine in a new house?
What it is that makes you feel settled, comfortable in your house?- any ideas will be gratefully received!

I looked & used checklists for moving so off to google I headed.  I've not only moved house, I've moved area.  So I have found a few ideas to get me settling in to a new town.

1.  Be a tourist - I am going to make a list of the things in our area you can get up to & get together with Mr Brown to plan some outings.  This is set out a plan for my days off (I like plans!) & will be a fun way to get to know the area.  I am going to start with at the local inn I noticed lots of leaflets for tourists that should be a good place to start!

2.  I'm going to get myself a local paper.  Why didn't I think of this?! Such an easy way to get to know the local goings on.  Ok I'm not sure what day it comes out or what it's called but I'm sure hubby will help by enquiring at the shop.

3. Check out the village hall - I think I know where this, I also think they have a Scottish Women's Rural Institute (the Rural) - a group of women who get together for classes & demonstrations in cooking, crafts, homemaking & keeping up Scottish traditions.  My gran & older aunts have been members in their communities.  I'll see if I can pluck up the courage to go!

That should be enough to keep me going & get me settled in.

Wish me luck.

Love Mrs Brown xx

Sunday Social

Sunday comes round so quickly these days! That time again where I link up with Ashley & Neely for Sunday Social.

This week the theme to the questions is We're Getting Deep

What is your ideal way to relax?

Walking the dog or meditating
Listening to music also soothes me - weirdly though I have to plan to relax, doesn't happen naturally very often.

Where is your favourite place to be?

By the sea - even on a freezing cold windy day in Scotland I love the beach or my bed!

Who do you consider your biggest role model?

Stumped - not really sure I have one

What does you life look like in 3 years?

Happy.
Maybe a wee kiddie? Oh I've said that out loud now.

If you could go back & change one decision what would it be?

I think if I ponder this one too much I could get quite deep but I think the best answer for me would be Everything happens for a reason.  You may not know the reason now or ever so I don't want to change that big master plan for me!

What is you biggest accomplishment in life thus far?

This is a funny one for me as recovering from depression you need to learn to accept lots of little accomplishments along the way.  I used to say getting my degree but honestly there was days (not so long ago) when my biggest accomplishment was getting dressed.  My fire & glass walk has also got to be high up the list.

Enjoy what's left of your Sunday,

Love Mrs Brown xx

Overloaded

Moving day has been & gone but it has left a lasting lesson.

Our family helped us do the move ourselves.  We packed up all our belonging into a van.

Yes I did day - A van.

It didn't look much but the many trips up & down 3 flights of stairs at the flat confirmed we had a lot of stuff.

As I said in my moving post, we did clear out.  We had several trips to the recycling centre to get rid of "stuff".

Not enough stuff.

On our trip to the new house, my father in law got pulled over by the police.  The van ended up getting weighed & it was indeed overloaded.  It was heavier than it should have been.

Anyways bit of phone calls & extra vans later we were back on our way & unloading.

The van didn't look overloaded.  It was full, but not bulging or straining.  However it was most definitely too much stuff.

I have thought about this (probably too deeply!) & I feel the van is quite like our life.  Full of stuff & we are happy to be full & carry the load, but sometimes it just isn't safe.  Sometimes we need to share the load.  To make it manageable.

There is nothing wrong with lightening the load, sharing or asking for help.  Sometimes you need an extra van!

So we are in - probably with more stuff than we need but we made it, with a lot of help from our family!

Do you let yourself get overloaded?

Love Mrs Brown xx

Pay it Forward - For the love of Snail Mail

Cover of Pay it Forward

Pay it Forward - what a lovely film.  For those who haven't seen it - you should! A boy tries to change the world for the better.

Pay it Forward is all about passing it on.  Instead or paying "back" someone for a good deed they instead do a good deed for 3 more people & so on & so on.  Spreading the good deeds around for all to enjoy & benefit. Watch the movie it could bring a tear to a glass eye - my description is some what lacking but you hopefully get the idea.

I first came across this in blogging land on Ashley's blog It Is What You Make It.  I was a little too late to become one of her lucky 5 but then I came across it again on Rebecca's blog Happiness is Taylor Made & was very lucky to sneak into her lucky 5!

Here I am holding up my side of the bargain, the catch so to speak.  I am Paying it Forward.

So this is all about Snail Mail - who doesn't still love a wee letter landing on their door mat!

The details:
The first 5 people to comment with their email will receive from me, sometime in this calendar year a letter or card and a surprise gift from me! There will likely be no warning, it will happen when the mood strikes me. 

The catch? 

Those five people must make the same offer on their Blog (or Facebook status if you don't have a blog)

I am happy to post internationally! Don't hold back on the comments, I don't mind admitting I'm terrified I won't get 5 but I am putting it out there anyway!!

Love Mrs Brown xx