|Knitted by my own fair hands. The hats that is not the dog.|
I write this to acknowledge my feelings and to help keep moving forward.
I have been physically unwell with an infected socket following a tooth extraction. Physical pain I can deal with, I manage to pick myself up and do what needs to be done. Mental pain, I seem to struggle with.
I was always the 'coper' in our family. The strong, dependable one. I grew up fast because I needed to.
So when I'm not coping, it drags my mental health down. I think what scared me, the most about the last few weeks was how easy it was to slide back down that slippery slope.
Within days of feeling ill, I was back to not sleeping, but not getting dressed, avoiding going out, and neglecting myself. The fridge was bare and the shower bone dry. How did I end up here again, AGAIN?
I've been to the classes, I've read the books, I've got the strategies to see me through right? But I wasn't doing any of them. They definitely won't work if I don't do them.
So I acknowledged my mood and I read over my sheets from mental health team and thought about planning the next few weeks to see me through the rough times.
It start with the strategy "just turn up" in the hope I would just turn up for my own life.
I couldn't muster up the energy to get showered, I just pulled on my hat (to cover my greasy hair), I zipped up my big winter jacket (to cover my messy clothes), laced up my walking boots and got in the car with my dog. In fairness my dog is the only person who would have risked being seen with me in public! I started with a walk in the park. I avoided any human contact, I wasn't up to that but trees I could handle.
It was a start, and it was just what I needed. I did it the next day until I managed to get myself in the shower and looking and feeling like a human again. I was slowly scrambling up the slippery slope of life again, thanks to a beanie hat and the pester power of a puppy.
Love Mrs Brown xx