Tuesday, 11 September 2012

This time last year

 This time last year .......

This was what I kept thinking today. This time last year I was waking up in Seattle.  I remember because it was September 11th and we were in America.  Everyone will remember what happen on that day, it's a day stamped in our memory.

9/11 seemed so far away from Scotland yet it shook the world.  In Seattle 10 years on, it felt so much closer.  But it was a lovely day, everyone remembering, taking the time to show they hadn't forgotten the impact of that day.

I looked back with fondness, my first trip abroad on my adult passport and boy what a trip it was! My hubby pulled together an amazing honeymoon.  Booked with points and loyalty rewards, all those days away helped us have a trip of a lifetime together.

I felt my mood dip, the present day didn't seem as cheery.

In a change from the norm, I tried to focus on the progress since last year.  Last year I was struggling, my main focus at work was just 'keep my head above water', my strategy was if you can just keep all the plates spinning long enough the break away will fix everything.  The holiday would solve all my problems.  I think you can guess, it didn't.

The trip was fabulous, I loved America, I loved the people, the places, I felt comfortable, I felt free, just me & Mr Brown.  The sun on my skin, warmth in my bones.  I was in control again, I planned our days, I even did well with the navigating!  I had energy, I felt motivated and had enthusiasm.

In fact when our trip ended in Vegas (Vegas, baby!), Mr B was starting to get home sick, I didn't want to come back.  Not the usual "we had a great holiday, let's stay" but more please don't take me back there! Who would want to go back to feeling overwhelmed, swamped, out of control, fat, self conscious and failing.

So a year on, I have come along way.  I  can say though I am not at my final destination yet.

I know I am not at my destination yet, as I still struggle.  This time last week I was not in a good place again. I have even travelled so far from a few days ago.

Sometimes it's good to look back, but don't linger in the past.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift.  That's why they call it the present.

A few pics from my scrap book of honeymoon, I felt like some how sharing.

Love Mrs Brown xx
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