Sunday, 22 July 2012

Finding the strength to swim against the troubles of depression

This week I found myself drifting back to that place where everything is a struggle.
You know the place, the feeling your just about treading water then out of no where comes a wave, a surge so strong you get battered about, all you can do is cling onto something, and hope your not going to be swept away.

(the waves at Buckie, just reminds of how hard it can be to be a lone rock standing your ground)

I get easily sucked in to the troubles, I care about my patients, the service, my reputation, and the people I work with.  So when I make a simple request you don't expect it to start a spiral of upset and angst.

I'm being vague on the details because in all honestly this happens to me in too many situations, the details don't actually matter.  What happened was one email request, followed by a blunt response, which escalated to a miffed tone, then instead of getting together and discussing things like adults, we went home & stewed on it & emotions started to get the better of me.

Luckily instead of allowing myself to get swept away in the situation, I reached out for a life line.  I took to twitter & got the perfect response  "you made a reasonable request and she chose to be pissed off" This was just what I needed, I took a deep breath and remembered no-one can make you feel something unless you let them.
I also get to choose how I handle the situation
So out of the whirl pool of emotions I was lifted and there was my bridge.  To let go of the baggage I was attaching to the situation and see a way out the other side, where I don't feel I have been drained of energy & effort.

So I went to bed in a better frame of mind, I slept (normally would have tossed & turned all night about the situation) and when I arrived in the office I went to my colleague and said "Good morning"

Now wouldn't it be lovely if this was the end of the story.  I rose above it all and let it all go.  Well I did, but in the real world this situation involved another person, who didn't quite have the same idea.

So my "Good morning" wasn't greeted with the same pleasant response.  As the conversation progressed I kept reminding myself of this A-ha moment from twitter and that I have a choice in how I respond.  Also my assertiveness stuff was creeping in so I let her say her piece and let me air my views and my response and left her to respond in any way she felt necessary.

Amazingly by allowing each party to air their thoughts and feelings (over a very trivial thing I may add) the situation resolved itself so very easily.

So what did I learn

1.  Twitter can be great sounding board, I enjoy putting my queries out there & getting another person's perspective on the matter.  Twitter does have some wise words out there!

2. Never go to bed with on an argument, even if the argument is with yourself! ( I slept much more soundly knowing I resolved my own issues, in my own head)

3. You get to choose your response, but not any one else's.  Be happy with your choice and let others worry about theirs!

I made a bridge instead of swimming against the current.  It takes too much effort to get caught up in the pulls of emotions and arguments & I just don't have the strength for it right now (nor is it necessary).

Life can be easy if you just let it!

So I'll end with a beautiful pic, from picturesque Luss in Scotland.  This is how I would like to keep my world right now, calm and easy.  I can but try and do my best to keep it that way.

Love Mrs Brown xx

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