I have been tested and tried most of my life and I had been really good at covering up the cracks and very good at 'Just get on with it' mode, until the day I realised everything was actually fine!
I had a good permanent job, mum was coping well, brother was living with his girlfriend and I had a brilliant new man then suddenly I fell to pieces. Now counselling told me that this was because I had been jumping from crisis to crisis that I had no time to think about each situation or myself. Soo when I finally took the time to look back or concentrate on me and my future it all just caught up with me.
I won't go into details today (I am just getting the hang of this being "open" thing, bear with me!) but I have been through a lot shall we say. I grew up very fast and don't have a typical relationship with my family - I was always the sensible one, the one that sorted everything and kept all the plates spinning.
So why when everything is actually "fine" did it shake me? I was so used to pretending everything was fine, why not just be happy for a change everything was going my way?
I still have doubts as to why this stable period of my life had a big effect on me, but what I do know is that lemons are very acidic and there is must be a limited amount of lemonade you can make before you feel sick!
I recently read though that some of us think our lives should reflect the soap operas, going from one drama to another. I can tell you I am glad I've been written out the plot for a while!
Although it's only Wednesday, this week I feel like I could possibly be leading up to a new storyline. You know the the storyline you can see a mile coming when watching a soap but everyone else seems oblivious.
My dog, had a wee sore paw that had been niggling all week, but it started to swell on Monday so took him to the vets, luckily it's the animal hospital so checks and X-rays later he has a broken toe!! Felt really bad for making him walk on it all week but it's a non weight bearing toe so not painfully all the time, so just rest, TLC and anti inflammatories for him.
Then last night after walking the dog (short walk of course, you try telling a lab he can't go for a walk, broken toe or not!) my hubby thought something was in his eye. Within minutes it was massively swollen and his face puffy. I'm not squeamish but eyes get me! The white part was bubbling up with fluid, thought it may pop out! Anyways it happened so fast I wasn't taken any chances so gets him in the car & on the way to A&E.
Cut a long story short they think it was an allergen of some sort & got anti histamines, steroid drops and ointment and he's looking vaguely normal again (sorry honey, still love you dearly tho!)
It wasn't until this morning I realised how much I relish these situations. This is where I come into my own. I am well practiced in A&E trips, within minutes I had a bag packed with juice, money for the vending machine and a magazine! How strange my default setting is "Drama"??
So what have I learnt this week, well I have come so far, this time last year I would have been a wreck & no support to my two boys. I have an inner strength and drive to get things sorted - I need to embrace this more and use it in other situations not just chaos!
And just writing this has allowed me time to centre myself again and realise my life maybe like a soap opera but I am not just the main character I can be the writer too and I can and have been taking control for past few months.
Just can't resist adding a picture of my beautiful boy, Bailey
and a pic of the swollen eye!
What's your story? How would you rewrite it?
Mrs Brown xx